“Are you sure about this, Keith?” whispered Brenda, her voice a shaky imitation of a secret agent. She was crouched behind the sofa, clutching a feather duster like a weapon.

Keith, her husband of thirty years, was meticulously applying a small amount of Marmite to his earlobe. “Trust me, love. It’s the only way.” He surveyed the living room. The clock on the mantelpiece ticked ominously. It was 3:00 PM. The time for the raid was nigh.

“But what if they catch us?” Brenda’s eyes darted towards the kitchen door. “What if they’ve put up a new security system? Motion sensors? A laser grid?”

Keith scoffed, adjusting his monocle, a magnifying glass he’d taped to his spectacles. “A laser grid? Brenda, they’re 8 and 10. Their security is a pile of LEGO bricks and a drawing of a scary monster. Our target remains: the Biscuit Tin.”

The Biscuit Tin was a mythic object in the house, a forbidden treasure trove guarded by their two children, Lily and Sam. Every day, it was filled with Jammie Dodgers, Digestives, and Hobnobs, only to be emptied with ruthless efficiency before the parents could have a single one. Today, they would strike back.

“We go in on my signal,” Keith said, crawling towards the kitchen. “Brenda, you create a diversion. A classic feint. Something they cannot resist.”

“Right. Got it. I’ll… I’ll sing the national anthem backwards!”

“Perfect. Just… don’t hit the high notes. We need to be subtle.”

Keith reached the kitchen door. He peered through the gap. The coast was clear. Lily and Sam were engrossed in a cartoon in the next room, their backs to the kitchen.

“Now, Brenda! The diversion!” he hissed.

Brenda took a deep breath. “Ym yevas eht neerg, gnol evael yevas eht…” she began, her voice a low, guttural murmur.

Keith slipped into the kitchen. The biscuit tin sat on the counter, gleaming in the afternoon sun. He reached for it, his hand trembling with anticipation.

Suddenly, a small voice from behind him said, “Whatcha doin’, Dad?”

Keith froze. He slowly turned to see Lily and Sam standing there, arms crossed, their expressions a mix of confusion and pure, unadulterated judgment.

“I… I was just… checking for crumbs, darling,” Keith stammered, awkwardly patting the lid of the tin.

Brenda rushed in, still singing her backwards anthem. “…yevas eht neerg, gnol evael ym…” she trailed off, seeing the children and the look on Keith’s face.

“Mom, why are you singing in reverse?” Sam asked, his voice filled with suspicion.

Brenda straightened up, clearing her throat. “It’s a new exercise. For the brain. Very good for you. You should try it.”

Lily pointed at Keith’s ear. “What’s that on your ear, Dad? Is that… Marmite?”

Keith’s face turned bright red. He quickly wiped his earlobe. “It’s… a new kind of… hearing aid. Made of yeast extract. Very advanced.”

The children stared, unimpressed. Sam walked over to the biscuit tin and picked it up. “We ate all the biscuits, by the way,” he said, shaking the empty tin. “Half an hour ago.”

Brenda slumped against the kitchen counter. Keith took off his magnifying glass monocle. Their grand plan, their daring heist, had been for nothing.

“Right then,” Keith sighed, defeated. “Who fancies going to the shop for some more biscuits?”

Both children instantly cheered. “Me! Me!” they shouted, their previous suspicion forgotten.

As they left, a triumphant Sam gave a small, almost imperceptible salute to his sister. The masterminds of the Biscuit Tin, a flawless operation, had won again.

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Vocabulary Notes

Heist
Meaning: A ‘heist’ is a noun that means a robbery, specifically a planned or organised one. It’s often used for a large, dramatic theft of something valuable, like money or jewels, but in the story, it’s used humorously for stealing biscuits.
Example from the story: “The Great Biscuit Heist” is the title of the story, setting up the humorous idea of a serious crime being committed to get biscuits.
Similar words: robbery, caper, raid, sting, burglary.

Ominously
Meaning: An adverb used to describe something that seems to suggest something bad or unpleasant is going to happen. It creates a sense of foreboding or suspense.
Example from the story: “The clock on the mantelpiece ticked ominously.” This makes the simple passing of time seem tense and important, as if something big is about to happen.
Similar words: threateningly, menacingly, warningly, darkly, grimly.

Meticulously
Meaning: An adverb that means to do something with great attention to detail. It suggests a very careful and precise action.
Example from the story: “Keith, her husband of thirty years, was meticulously applying a small amount of Marmite to his earlobe.” The word highlights how serious and careful Keith is about his absurd plan, making it funnier.
Similar words: carefully, precisely, painstakingly, thoroughly, rigorously.

Feint
Meaning: A ‘feint’ is a noun for a deceptive or pretend move, usually in sports or a fight, designed to mislead an opponent.
Example from the story: “Brenda, you create a diversion. A classic feint.” Keith is telling Brenda to do something distracting to trick the children so he can get the biscuits without them noticing.
Similar words: diversion, ruse, ploy, trick, decoy.

Defeated
Meaning: An adjective describing someone who has been beaten in a battle, contest, or challenge. It shows a feeling of being overcome or giving up.
Example from the story: “Keith sighed, defeated.” This happens after he finds out the biscuit tin is empty. He has lost the ‘battle’ against his children and their superior planning.
Similar words: beaten, conquered, vanquished, discouraged, disheartened.

Story written by Gemini Pro AI.

Image created by aimagicx AI.

CC Music: Drifting at 432 Hz – Unicorn Heads.

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